Written by Banerjee Preksha
Welcome to the last part of U-Insight’s Valentine’s Day trilogy, where our writers give (hopefully helpful) tips on how to survive this yearly affair catered for the couples, the broken-hearteds and the singles
Being single on Valentine’s Day can be rough – but nothing beats having a bad date on Valentine’s Day, one that is a total disaster. In these situations, you mustn’t panic, or get disheartened. If anything, look at it as a hilarious memory, a story you can narrate for years to come.
Whether you’re set up on a blind date by a friend, or have met someone online, you should make sure your Valentine’s Day date is worth your time. To help you avoid such disasters, we’ve compiled a list of prototype disaster causing characters. If your date-to-be fits into any one of these disasters, beware!
1. The no show
The worst possible thing that can happen on the Day of Romance is getting stood up. Imagine ironing and pressing your dress or tux, doing your hair, wearing cologne and looking your absolute best only for the idiot to never show up. The first hint you get is when you’re already waiting at the restaurant, and the waiter asks you for wine, and you get a text from your date-to-be saying he/she’ll be late. You brush it off in your head, it could be traffic after all.
Half an hour has passed. People are already on their main course. The restaurant staff starts looking at you with pity, but you still (stupidly) hang onto a thread of hope. An hour later, when the restaurant’s about to close, you just sit there bogged down by life, thinking what a fool you have been.
2. The self deprecating in excess
Now, everyone loves a funny date. Someone who is charismatic, can make fun of others but at the same time make fun of him/herself to balance it out. Even a good talker will do. Anything to balance out the awkwardness of deafening silence. But self-deprecation can be funny…. to a certain point. Imagine going on a date with someone who hates himself/herself so much that after a point all you feel for the person is pity.
What started out as a funny joke takes a dark turn and goes into childhood trauma and instead of love, there are only tears in the air. You become their therapist, stuck in a depressing conversation you’re unable to get out of because then you’ll seem like an unsympathetic jerk. Back at home, you fall into bed trying to figure out exactly when the conversation started going downhill.
3. The best gifter
Now this disaster isn’t as bad as the rest. He/she means well for sure. It’s just that they don’t have even the slightest clue as to what counts as a good Valentine’s gift and what doesn’t. But hey, if you really like the person, such mistakes can be ignored. I mean, every human being is flawed after all. So what if you get funeral flowers or an old, used notebook? Or a weighing machine or a 50 cent lollipop? I mean, at least they tried. Just make sure that this disaster of a Valentine’s Day doesn’t repeat the next time.
4. The artificial sweetener
Hearing compliments about yourself can boost your self confidence and make you feel good and loved. But an overdose of anything can make you sick. Initially, you’ll feel like you’ve found the sweetest possible date to hang out with on Valentine’s Day. But after he has complimented the rosy waft of your cherry flavored perfume for the millionth time, or spoken about the silkiness of your thick locks and how he/she has never in his/her life ever met someone so beautiful, you feel like pulling out your hair and throwing yourself off the pedestal he/she has put you on.
5. The glutton
The worst one of them all: the glutton. The lover of food. Someone who loves food so much that you don’t even hold a dime to food in comparison and none of the attention is on you. All they do during the entire date is eat. Oh well, order more and eat. And then the process repeats. You may find yourself having to carry the entire conversation by yourself, maybe treated with the occasional grunt and a burp every now and then. Oh, and if you do take a bathroom break, you might find half your risotto gone after you return.
You go home with not just a broken heart, but also an empty stomach. Ah well, at least chocolate ice cream will always be there to vent out your Valentine’s Day frustrations on.
Oftentimes, the thrill of dating comes from meeting new people. While disaster dates are a possibility, sometimes the best thing to do is keep an open mind. Who knows, your next date might possibly your happy ever after!